We almost always go into discussions and meetings with some sort of agenda in mind, to varying degrees of detail depending on our personal tendencies. Coincidentally (or not), clients that come to a meeting with a clear agenda almost always get more out of that meeting. This post will attempt to shed light on some of the ways to get that agenda to work for us such that we can intentionally get the most out of any discussion. Since time is money, even in free consultations and discussions, we can stand to lose money if we don’t take away very much, relative to the time we invested.

It may seem unnecessary to set any type of agenda for casual conversations. Yet, ever since hearing that phrase “there are no ordinary moments”, I am more inclined to believe that teachable and learning opportunities are abundant in ordinary day-to-day conversations, and don’t just present themselves in formal meetings/discussions.

IF CASH IS KING, CLARITY IS KEY

I believe in keeping things simple so bear with me as I use the rule of three in illustrating.

1. Bring 3 things to the table. Go into the discussion with 3 specific things in each of the following categories, that you will convey to the other party:

 (i) 3 Qualities or other party’s expertise that drew you to him/her.
(ii) 3 Questions/issues/needs that he/she can help you with.
(iii) 3 Qualities of yours e.g. cooperativeness, willingness or ability to listen, research, take suggestions, do leg work, pay a fair price etc.

 2. Take Away 3 things. Leave the discussion with 3 things that you have just learned from the other person. Each item must clearly address the following 3 things:

(i) What question does this answer for me;
(ii) What need does this meet; and
(iii) How do I implement this tool/piece of knowledge.

3.  Leave with 3 action items.  Do not leave the meeting until you clearly have 3 items for you to take action on. Each item should fit into one or more of the following categories:

(i) Needs immediate action.
(ii) Needs some more research.
(iii) Needs action at a specified time/date in the future.

That is all for the rule of three. I hope you find the post useful and the rule of three easy to remember and apply. With some repetition, this should become second nature in no time. Bottom-line: If cash is king, clarity is key!

A written agreement will vary from the very informal such as an “I owe You” to the very formal, such as a residential lease agreement. Whatever the form of such writing, any writing evidencing the agreement is often better than no writing at all. Not all agreements need a writing, but in situations where a large sum of money or property is involved, or where time is of the essence, it is best to get the agreement in writing.

When it comes to family, friends, and loved ones, contracts tend to be informal and verbal. Sometimes, the terms of these verbal agreements are clearly thought out and communicated, sometimes not. Do you find it a little weird or uncomfortable broaching this subject with a loved one? Or even reading this post? No worries. I will teach you how to present it to your friends/family such that it is not terribly awkward for either you or them.

Proposing the Idea of a Written Agreement to Loved Ones
Simply use any of the following suggested phrases, or a variation, as needed:

• “We better write this down so that there is no confusion in the future.”
• “May I propose that we get this in writing so that we are both on the same page as to what we have agreed to?”
• “We should put this down in writing so as to avoid any miscommunication and to have something to refer, as I cannot rely on my memory.”

Finally, offer to be the scribe. Take it upon yourself to get the terms down on paper, add signature lines for all parties and make sure that each person dates and signs the document. Remember, the key is to make it painless and not make a big production of it.

Four Reasons To Get That Agreement in Writing

1. It memorializes the important terms of the agreement. At minimum, any contract requires the following terms: What? When? By Whom? In law school, we were also taught a concept called “consideration” – the belief that most people do not enter into one-sided agreements where only one party benefits. Therefore, I suggest that you also add a “For What Promise in Return” term.
   
2. Memories fade, and worse, even change with time. The terms of a verbal agreement are far more open to interpretation. To ensure all parties know what is to be performed by both sides, get it in writing so you don’t ever have to have a he-said, she-said verbal gymnastics down the road.
3. People tend to keep promises made in writing, signed by them, more than an abstract verbal promise. Help your friend, family or loved one save face by reminding them of their written promise so that they are held accountable and have a chance to rise up to the occasion.
4. Protects you and your relationships. It is better to have a writing to avoid future disagreements, than to lose a friend or loved one over the inevitable confusion, miscommunication, and/or resentment that may arise from conflicts over verbal agreements. It of course also protects you should you need to enforce your agreement using alternative means.

Sure, there are plenty of conflicts over written contracts too. Imagine how much messier it gets when there isn’t any writing at all to clarify things. You then may have to involve several “witnesses” who are probably better off kept out of the whole matter. So, get it in ink and get that autograph!

Ken Mac Dougall bit into the sandwich his wife had packed him for lunch and noticed something odd—a Post-it note tucked between the ham and the cheese. He pulled it out of his mouth, smoothed the crinkles and read what his wife had written: “Be in aisle 10 of Home Depot tonight at 6 p.m.”

Marriage counselors warn that nagging is one of the leading causes for discord and divorce, Elizabeth Bernstein reports on Lunch Break. (Photo: Getty Images)

Mr. Mac Dougall was renovating the couple’s Oak Ridge, N.J., kitchen, and his wife had been urging him to pick out the floor tiles. He felt he had plenty of time to do this task. She felt unheard.

“I thought the note was an ingenious and hysterical way to get his attention,” says his wife, Janet Pfeiffer (whose occupation, interestingly enough, is a motivational speaker), recalling the incident which occurred several years ago. Her husband, a technician at a company that modifies vehicles for handicapped drivers, didn’t really see it that way. “I don’t need a reminder in the middle of my sandwich,” he says.

Nagging—the interaction in which one person repeatedly makes a request, the other person repeatedly ignores it and both become increasingly annoyed—is an issue every couple will grapple with at some point. While the word itself can provoke chuckles and eye-rolling, the dynamic can potentially be as dangerous to a marriage as adultery or bad finances. Experts say it is exactly the type of toxic communication that can eventually sink a relationship.

via Nagging in Marriage Is More Common Than Adultery But Can Also Lead to Divorce – WSJ.com.

If you are like 90% of the people out there, chances are that you made one or more new year’s resolutions for 2012. I myself made only a couple of resolutions this year: (1) to make my health a priority, and (2) to reconnect with my spiritual side. You also, like 90% of the people out there, may be familiar with the disappointment of getting to the end of yet another year without having accomplished any of your resolutions.

The simplest way that I know to put a dent in anything is to constantly chip away at it. You can take the initial steps to reaching your goals. If more action is needed, you will have the strength, wisdom, financial resources and guidance to take the next steps. You don’t need to have a clear plan of execution for the whole year, just for what needs to be done TODAY. Do this everyday and your new year’s resolution is accomplished soon enough!

FOUR LEGAL RESOLUTIONS FOR 2012

1. Get your criminal record(s) cleared. The state of Texas has a statute that permits eligible individuals to expunge or seal their records. Find out if you are eligible and get this done as soon as possible because these records will haunt you. Criminal records can have a devastating effect on your chances for employment, renting, immigration, admission into law school, professional licenses and so on. Shocking? Yes. I agree it isn’t fair, but that is where clearing your record comes in. It can be done. I know this because I particularly enjoy helping people leave the past behind and get a clean record in order to level the playing field.

2. Know your credit score and improve it asap. According to LendingTree.com the average credit score out there is 678. Chances are your score could be improved. Don’t delay, talk to a professional that can analyze your credit reports and guide you in what actions to take to start improving your score. Did you know that your score affects all aspects of your life such as interest rates, credit limit, renting, insurance quotes, employment etc? Again, this may not always be fair, but this is the way the system works for now. Until we can change the system, we must make it work for us. Most credit reports have errors in them that can be fixed to boost your score. I not only know this from personal experience and from analyzing reports, but also from the statistics out there. You owe it to yourself to at least get expert eyes to look at your reports to see what you can do proactively to improve your score.

3. Get a Will drafted. We all need one of these – no ifs or buts. When you are feeling young, healthy and invincible, I know the idea of a Will seems ridiculous and even a little morbid. You may say; “Nah, I am too young”; or “Nah, I don’t own any assets that can be put in a will.” The truth is that if you have brought a child into this world, you do need a Will. You owe it to your child and loved ones. A basic will provides for expenses, lists an executor or personal administrator, and provides for specific distribution of real and personal property. It will also appoint a guardian for minor children. People over age 21 with no children may need one too, at least to appoint a power of attorney for medical/ incapacitation reasons. It always makes it easier for loved ones left behind to sort things out. Please consult an attorney for more information on whether you need one right now.

4. Get child support. Quite a number of parents are entitled to child support by virtue of a court order, or by default due to the law. However, quite a few don’t do anything about it for years, probably because they find the process daunting. My advice is that you talk to an attorney that can guide you in what needs to be done. You deserve to get financial assistance from the other parent. It is hard enough if you are not getting their emotional support. You can at times get the Attorney General to help you with the process, or, you can talk to a private attorney that handles family law matters. Don’t delay on the issue of child support, give yourself a break.

If you have questions about, or need pointers on any of the above, click here to email the author.

A True Love Story: Documentary Looks at Couple Behind Famous Civil Rights Case

For most lawyers, the U.S. Supreme Court case Loving v. Virginia is a familiar one. The 1967 decision struck down Virginia’s antimiscegenation statute, which prohibited and criminalized interracial marriage. Now a documentary film is bringing to light the story of the people behind the seminal civil rights decision.

Filmmaker Nancy Buirski says she became interested in making The Loving Story after reading Mildred Loving’s obituary in the New York Times after her death in 2008. “The case was familiar to me,” says Buirski, “but not familiar enough.”

Buirski, who previously ran the Full Frame Documentary Film Festival, says she knew from her work that no documentaries had been made about Richard and Mildred Loving, the couple who helped changed history. “Not only was this an overlooked story but also—very often with important legal cases—you read about them and hear about them in law school, but you don’t know very much about the people involved,” she says. “The flesh and blood is often relegated to the background while the legal maneuvering is put in the foreground.”

The documentary features never-before-seen film footage of the Lovings, which was shot in 1965 during the pendency of the case by filmmaker Hope Ryden. Still images from Life magazine photographer Grey Villet also are integrated into the documentary along with historical and current interviews with the Lovings’ lawyers, Bernard Cohen and Philip Hirschkop. Peggy Loving, the namesake couple’s daughter, also participated in the project. Putting all this together, the film provides a unique look at the human side and the legal strategy behind the Loving case.

“I felt it was very, very important to draw attention to people who acted on principle and showed that anyone can change history,” Buirski says. “If you believe strongly in what is right, it can have a tremendous effect on society.”

Buirski, for her part, says the documentary has unusual relevance today with the debate over marriage equality and the racially blended society in which we now live.

The Loving Story will debut on HBO on Valentine’s Day. It currently is eligible to be nominated for an Academy Award in the feature-length documentary category.

via A True Love Story: Documentary Looks at Couple Behind Famous Civil Rights Case – Magazine – ABA Journal.

The classic case of adults behaving badly is when the rigid resistance to a civil divorce is intentional, completely unnecessary and counterproductive for the client.  People caught in this form of emotional battle seldom feel better with each legal blow that they wield. These same folks have trouble sleeping, constantly think of ways to hurt the other party, and feel a deep-seated sense of resentment towards their ex-spouse or soon to be ex. Additionally, they are depleting their financial resources rapidly the more they use the legal system to “punish” their ex.

I understand the deep hurt and need to strike back. Even so, I have witnessed some people handle this process with a lot of grace. The few words of wisdom that I can manage to sum up go like this:

1. Sometimes, Yes, the divorce is really more of the other person’s fault.
2. Sometimes, Yes, you are right in saying that you were blindsided.
3. No matter how you came to being in the process of a divorce, the reality is that whether you agree or not, in most states in the U.S., it only takes one of the two parties to a marriage to terminate the marriage contract by getting a divorce.
4. You really do not want to be married to someone who no longer wants to be married to you.
5. You really do not want a Judge who knows nothing about you or your spouse making decisions concerning your property and especially your kids.
6. Sometimes the legal system will get it wrong (you may be better off mediating a settlement with said spouse)
7. You really do not want to pay unnecessary and often hefty legal fees just to punish your spouse or anyone for that matter.
8. I shouldn’t need to say this last one but I see it over and over again as we get caught up in our blame games. You should never ever use your kid(s) as a pun. Find and read the Children’s Bill of Rights! Read it with an open mind and read it often! http://www.divorcehq.com/childrens-bill-of-rights.shtml

Spend all the pent up frustration on finding the smoothest route to finalizing your divorce. You can then focus on healing and rebuilding your life. Get counseling for yourself if you must and No, your friends and family may bot be the best counselors out there as they are most likely biased and will tend to fuel the fire out of their love for and loyalty to you.

I don’t advocate going through the divorce process with malice and vengeful purpose but if revenge is what you must have, just remember that the best revenge is living well and moving on as quickly as possible. This will confound your ex and you will both end up with more money in your pockets rather than in the attorneys’ pockets!

When cleaning house, we tend to go through the main rooms, vacuuming, scrubbing, disinfecting, de-cluttering… Some do a very detailed job, some don’t. Either way, it is sufficient to simply do our best. If we do this regularly, on average, just like in our homes, our life is going to be fairly clean, easily navigable and breathable.

Cleaning House for Health 

Goal: Ensure that my current lifestyle supports my future health goals. Frequency: Clean house at least twice a year, preferably quarterly.

Questions to Ask:

1. What is my current health really like?
2. What does ideal health look like?
3. If I had a say in it, what will my health look like when I’m 50? 60? 70?
4. What things must I start doing immediately to increase my chances of aging in the way that I envision?
5. What things must I stop doing immediately to increase my chances of aging in the way that I envision?
6. What things must I do in moderation from now on if I am to age in the way that I envision?
7. What sources are available to help me figure it all out?

I understand that genetics and natural aging can deal an unfavorable hand and things will at times, be truly beyond our control. My stance though is that if there is anything at all that can be done to improve the hand that we’ve been dealt, we owe it to ourselves to research, discover, and do everything to make it happen. Thereby, making “cleaning house” an act of love from our younger self to our older self.

Cleaning House for Relationships

Goal: Purposefully choose the relationships that you are currently in right now. Frequency: Clean house at least once a year.

1. List the main relationships in your life.
2. List the most important people in your life.
3. List your main supporters/ support system.
4. List the people that you spend most of your waking hours talking with, talking about, thinking about, or visiting with.
5. List the activities that tend to light you up the most.
6. List the activities that you spend most of your waking hours engaging in.

Hopefully, most of the names on #1 and #2 also appear on #3 and #4. If not, ask yourself why not. In addition, are there people and/ or things on #4 and #6 that aren’t on any of the other lists? If so, you may not be in alignment and adjustments will need to be made. Is your name somewhere on these lists? Are you the kind of friend to yourself that you would want to be friends with?

Ideally, the majority of our waking hours will be spent doing the things that make us feel the most alive, with/on the people that matter the most to us, and with the people that are most supportive of us and our goals. There also may be people on these lists that you need to make amends with (including yourself.) Do it and do it soon! Don’t leave anyone on a list just because… intentionally choose to keep these people in your life.

Be happy, be healthy and clean house regularly as an act of love to yourself.

I am assuming that you looked at Parts 1 and 2 in this series and have already asked yourself the suggested questions. So, why don’t we cut to the chase. Whenever someone approaches me to tell me about this great item or experience that I must have, I will invariably ask “how much is it going to cost?” It is very natural to want to know the bottom-line. Unfortunately, I cannot give you a final figure since it will depend on how you set up your firm. However, I will address all related costs that I can think of. I’m sure you will think of and encounter others but no worries - the idea is to be in the ballpark and keep surprises to a minimum.

BE SURE TO TAKE THE LISTS BELOW TO A FEW SOLO PRACTITIONERS AND ASK THEIR OPINIONS ON HOW TO GET THE BEST VALUE FOR THE PRICE. OTHER QUESTIONS AND INFORMATION WILL COME UP THAT WILL BE HELPFUL TO YOU.

Emotional Cost

Rational and irrational fears will come up, what with the uncertainty that comes with being self-employed and the nagging fear of failure that most of us experience. If you have done your research and have a good support system, emotional stress will be minimized.  If you haven’t already done so, enlist the support of your significant other, family and friends so that they know to encourage you on these down days. Follow a good diet, keep a positive attitude, roll up your sleeves and you should be fine. I found that reading other people’s posts and books on the topic of going solo really helps re-energize me and keep my spirits up. As Jay Foonberg says in his book “How to Start and Build a Law Practice”, you are competent to practice law and have what it takes! And yes, his book is an absolute must-read.

Basic Costs

You need a few essentials to get started:

1. OPTIONAL – Incorporation fees (optional because you can start as a sole proprietor)
2. Business Cards and Return Labels (VistaPrint is pretty cheap)
3. Mailbox (most use UPS Stores)
4. Computer
5. Printer
6. Business phone line (Google Voice is free)
7. Dedicated fax number (I use RingCentral but compare prices online)
8. Office Space (optional but required by some referral services if you intend to get clients that way)
9. Office Furniture (check Government Surplus Stores and Craigslist)
10. Basic Office Supplies (Filing System, Paper, Ink, Timer Clock, etc.)
11. Accounting Software (most lawyers use desktop Quickbooks)
12. Liability Insurance (required to get on Lawyer Referral Services lists)
13. Merchant Account – if you plan to accept credit/debit card payments (some use Paypal but LawPay is set up to make Trust Account payment processing easier)
14. OPTIONAL – Company Logo
15. OPTIONAL – Website (you can build one yourself or get a friend to help – check Microsoft Windows Business Live and Google Sites )

Hidden and Incidental Costs

I would seriously consider the following:

• State Bar Association Dues
• Local Bar Association Dues
• Other Bar Association Dues e.g. National, Minority etc.
• Occupational taxes
• Franchise Tax (depending on your state and formation of your firm)
• Mandatory Ethics Course for new lawyers (some states have this requirement - as at 2011, it cost $195 in Texas)
• State Bar Section Dues (you will probably be joining some sections for learning and networking purposes)
• Local Bar Section Dues
• CLE Events (for networking purposes and for the state bar credit requirements)
• Lunch with Other Lawyers and potential Mentors (believe me, you will be doing a lot of this)
• CLE Requirements to get on court appointment list (if this applies to your choice of practice)
• CLE Requirements to get into the U.S. District Court (if this applies to you)
• Application cost to get into the U.S. District Court/ Bankruptcy Court
• Application cost to join any Lawyer Referral Service
• Cost of getting “lawyerly” outfits/ shoes
• Cost of buying books on how to run your practice
• Cost of buying any Manuals/ Rules/ Code Books for your area(s) of practice
• Cost of attending other professional mixers/ networking events
• Cost of buying software licenses for Practice Management software

In Part 4, I will discuss how to get around some of these associated costs and save some hard-earned cash!

This definitely got me thinking of the phrase “thief of time.” It appears that we think of certain “evil” things stealing our time away from us through disease or premature death. We seldom think of all the other subtle thieves of time – work, habits, family, friends, acquaintances, clients – well, you get the gist. Pretty much anything and anyone can steal our time away from us. Some of these things more controllable than others.

Which leads to the need for boundaries. Boundaries are not necessarily a bad thing and are actually quite essential in order to successfully prioritize one’s time. I believe we owe it to ourselves to live each moment intentionally – intend to spend it with this person as opposed to that person, intend to spend it alone, intend to spend it doing one activity versus another…

Setting boundaries is one thing, enforcing them is a whole ‘nother animal. This post explores ways in which we can communicate our boundaries without offending or putting others off, as well as how to get others to respect and relate to us within those boundaries. This post does not concern itself with the logic behind the boundaries that you have set, and only deals with how to make those boundaries work for you.

Communicating Your Boundaries

1. Figure out what your boundaries are.
2. In clear, concise statements, let others know what those boundaries are:

Examples:

• I return calls after 4pm;
• I spend Saturday evenings with my family;
• If I haven’t gotten back to you yet, it is not because I haven’t received your calls/ messages, it is because I haven’t had a chance to get back to you yet. There is really no need to leave several messages because that really has no impact on how quickly I return a call;
• Our company policy is to not communicate with clients by text, please communicate with me by email or phone;
• I ask that you please check with me first before volunteering me for anything.

3.  Take consistent actions to communicate your boundaries:

For Instance:

• Do not succumb to returning a call either out of frustration or pressure, just because someone has emailed/called you 4+ times in a short time-frame (unless of course, they leave a message indicating true urgency.)
• Do not feel compelled to say yes to a task just because someone put you on the spot by volunteering you. Politely say No, thanks.
• Don’t feel pressured to hang out with someone when you would rather be spending time doing other things. Let them know you already have plans.

4.  Take these consistent actions, and verbally communicate your boundaries repeatedly (this means as long as it takes) until the person in question gets the message. Remain polite but firm.

Enforcing Your Boundaries

1. Go back to communicating those boundaries as often as needed
2. Don’t shift the boundaries out of a sense of guilt, obligation, weariness or pressure of any kind
3. Make empowered choices to do whatever you are doing in the present moment, to spend your time exactly as you choose to each moment
4. Make a conscious choice to shift those boundaries as needed, let it be your choice, made from a place of purpose not a place of frustration or helplessness

Of course, all the above is easier said than done. This post is as much for me as it is for readers. I have been learning how to set and enforce boundaries myself for some 20+ years and continue to finesse this skill.

All in all, be polite, but not apologetic. Your time is all you have, and you have the right to spend it exactly as you wish. Even if they resist at first, people respect people who are honest and consistent. In the end, it really is that simple.

Word of Caution: don’t go in with the attitude that the lawyer is a hired gun. The lawyer is not a hired-gun – can’t emphasize this enough. Some clients seem to be confused about this (best addressed in a separate blog.)

Some important things to ask the lawyer that you are thinking of employing:

1. What is your experience or background in this type of matter?
2. Do you honestly think this is worth pursuing?
3. What is your success rate in these types of cases?
4. Have you ever been sued by a client?
5. Have you ever had any disciplinary action or complaints against you as a lawyer?
6. Can you estimate how much time it will take to conclude this case?
7. Can you estimate how much total this will cost me out-of-pocket?
8. What is your policy on communicating the progress of the case to the client?

These questions should get the dialogue going. Although some of the questions may not get you direct answers, you can learn as much from the way the attorney answers (or doesn’t answer) a question.

Don’t forget soft-skills/ bedside manners issues such as the attorney’s personality or what vibe you are getting from him/her. This does matter because you want to work with someone that doesn’t rub you the wrong way. You also want to watch out for the lawyer’s ability to listen, understand, etc. Pay close attention to any hint of arrogance, condescension, irritation or indifference. These may all lead to personality clashes in the future.

The bottom-line is that even a very competent lawyer can be unlikeable and unpopular. You shouldn’t lose your case purely based on your lawyer’s reputation but let’s be real, it happens. Legal situations are already complex and stressful enough. The last thing you need is for the lawyer you are paying to work for you to become a pain in the ….